"Can Hijras (transgender) speak?
India is where I
was born.
I was born a
male.
But I became
female.
I don’t have any
male characters.
Such as male
chauvinism and rape culture,
Dowry, beating
women, killing, violence, moral policing,
Infanticides
among women of the same caste.
I am not with
muscles, a moustache, and a beard, or imposing Sati,
Patriarchal
symbols or characters
I am a staunch
equalitarian and egalitarian.
Unlike males and
females,
I don’t like any
male behavior.
I feel femininity
in my daily life.
My every feeling
is my femininity.
I wear a saree.
I don’t wear
pants.
But it is against
my culture.
But it is against
my Indian ideology.
But it is against
my Indian way of life.
We have sacred
rules and regulations for boys and girls.
Those rules are
driving our everyday lives.
They are our
divinity.
We can’t break them.
We can’t breach them.
Breaching is a
crime.
The crime carries
death punishment.
Stepping outside
the lines is a violation of sacred rules.
Breaching carries
lynching.
Just like Haryana's Jhajjar lynching
We can’t question them.
We can’t cross
them.
But my internal
feelings
My identity
My strong desire
My feminity
My female
features
My feminine
feelings
My desire to join
my Trans
I am
transcending.
I am
transcendent.
I am transgender.
Trans-soul is
what I am.
I am a
trans-body.
I am trans.
I adore Trans
people.
We are all trans
at some point in our lives.
My walk is
different.
My body is
different.
My appearance is
different.
My talk is
different.
My expressions
are different.
My way of
behaving is different.
Everything is
different from them.
But they are not
valuing my identity.
They do not
respect my inner
They are forcing
me to act.
My wife is a
female.
She said I was
impotent.
I am not a good
match for women.
She told me I was
a liar.
I did not deceive
her.
It’s an arranged
marriage.
Like any Indian
marriage,
She should
question her family.
She should
question the marriage system.
She should
question the deep-rooted evil of the marriage system.
Instead, she
humiliated me.
She insulted me
for the system.
Because she can’t
question the system,
The system will
eliminate her.
Like half a
billion women's lives,
She is a
byproduct of the system.
My parents, her
parents, civil society, and pundits cheated her.
Like me, she is a
victim of the system.
Everyone knows
about me, including your family, my family and pundits.
However, they
took a large sum of money from my family.
If they did not
inform you about my impotence,
It's not my
fault.
It's our system's
fault.
Our system is
built on repressive ideology
Of which we are
all victims.
She left me.
Who will
understand my humiliation?
She insulted me.
My parents are
feeling shame.
They are getting
insults from everyone.
Everyone is
laughing at me.
They are showing
their teeth.
I am their fun.
I am their fun
toy.
My parents left
me.
My brother left
me.
My village left
me.
My town left me.
My city left me.
My religion left
me.
My pundits did
not give me admission to study.
Pundits worship
me in the form of stone.
But in reality,
they buried me.
My public school
refused to admit me.
Wherever I go, I
am the talk of the moment.
I want to study
But government schools
rejected me.
Public parks are
not allowing me to sit like any normal person.
I am not normal
to them.
I am abnormal to
them.
I am facing
humiliation every moment.
I joined my
loving community.
I joined their
begging profession.
My name is Hijra.
Whatever my name
is,
I am not allowed
to study, work, or live.
I am allowed to
beg in the streets, but with stone-pelting.
The stones are
breaking my head,
Stones are
blinding my eyes.
The stones are
suffocating me.
Humiliation,
insult, violence, persecution are granted to my body.
I am their toy.
I am begging and
begging.
Many of my
friends are losing their organs and lives to stone-pelting.
Boys and men are
stone-pelting us.
Women are
cracking jokes on me.
The police are
deafeningly quiet.
Courts are
silent.
Indian movies are
playing on us.
They do not have
any humanity.
They are not
humans.
They are lions,
tigers, anacondas, hyenas, etc.
They are
attacking me publicly.
I want to live a
life with self-respect and dignity.
But how in a
society where there is no civilization?
In a society
where there is no John Rawls
In a society
where there is no Noam Chomsky,
In a society
where there is no Slavoj Zizek
In a society
where there is no Socrates,
In a society
where there is no John Stuart Mill,
How to survive?
How can I protect
my life?
How to live with
respect and dignity?
Where are those
dignity projects?
Where are those
rights projects?
We are jokers in
their eyes.
We are not
humans.
We are
sub-humans.
We are just
voting.
We want
education.
We want to attend
school without fear of humiliation.
Death is far
better than humiliation.
Humiliation is an
ontological wound.
I can invite
death, but not humiliation.
I want dignity.
I'd like to have
it for myself.
I want respect.
I want formal
equality.
I want to live
with self-respect and dignity.
I want to speak
English like anyone else.
But now when I am
not allowed into public schools,
How can I speak
and write an English letter?
Forget private
schools.
Both public and
private schools become "Agraharas."
I don’t have the
basic education to write my life story.
How can I write
polished articles in theory?
How can I compete
with English-speaking Indians?
How can I compete
with English-writing Indians? ’
How can people
expect me to be like Mulkaraj Anand?
How can people
expect me to be like other Indian Nobel laureates?
When I am not
allowed into schools,
Forget colleges and universities.
None of the Indian theorists, Mulkaraj Anand, or Nobel
laureates addressed me in their "purity" writings or speeches.
Because I am an impure human being
I am not permitted to attend elementary school.
Mulkaraj Anand
and other Indian Nobel laureates were born into hegemonic Brahmin castes.
Their Brahmin
castes put a sacred rule on me: not to allow me inside public schools.
The British are
not going to let me go.
Europeans are not
here to allow me inside the school.
Colonial rules
are not here to be allowed into basic education.
Our brown and
black rules are practicing sacred rules.
Brahmins' Rules
for Males and Females
Ours is a Ram
Rajya government.
Historically, Ram Rajya was a violent ideology.
Historically, Krishna Rajya was a violent theory.
A violent theory and ideology against sub-subaltern
groups.
Ram Rajya banned me from their basic education.
The British Raj allowed me to enter school in Britain.
I don't need Ram Rajya, but I do need the British Raj.
I want a basic
education.
How can I get a
degree from Cambridge University when I don’t have a basic education?
How can I publish
books with Oxford University Press when my sacred rules ban me from learning?
Everyone is
praising India's incredible performance, which banned me from learning and
reading.
Can I speak now
about being a transgender?
My name is Hijra"
“Dedicated to the tens of thousands of Hijras/Transgender/Transsexual people who are openly killed by the Indian public.”
Dr.
Suryaraju Mattimalla B.A.,M.A.,M.Phil.,Ph.D(History)
Author
of "Why I Am Not Indian: The Untouchable Rejecting India's
Citizenship"
Author
of “Dalit/Untouchable Anthology: Untouchable Lived Experiences” (https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Suryaraju-Mattimalla/dp/B09M5B7XVS/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Dalit%2FUntouchable+Anthology&qid=1638451224&sr=8-1)
Author
of “An Intellectual History of Anti-Caste Philosophers in India: A Study on
Babasaheb Dr.B.R.Ambedkar” (https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Suryaraju-Mattimalla/dp/B09M785T3S/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=An+intelectual+history+of+anti-caste+philosophers+in+indien%3A+A+study+on+Babasaheb+Dr.B.R.Ambedkar&qid=1638746824&sr=8-1)
Blog: DALIT ACADEMIC MAFIA (https://dalitacademicmafia.blogspot.com)
Blog: TIGRAY GENOCIDE IN ETHIOPIA
(dejazamtchnegussebezabih.blogspot.com),
Published poems by Dr.Suryaraju Mattimalla at My poetic side
Twitter: Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla (@DrMattimalla) / Twitter,
Facebook: Surya Raju Mattimalla | Facebook
E-mail:suryarajumattimalla1977@gmail.com
