Can Jogini speak?

 

Can Jogini speak?

My Jogini mother gave birth to me.

I do not know my father.

I was born into the Madiga caste.

Madiga is my untouchable caste.

Madigas are Joginis

My mother is breastfeeding me.

The door unexpectedly opens.

A huge man entered.

My mother left me.

She returned in 10 minutes.

She is breastfeeding me.

Again, another old man entered my room.

My mother left me.

She returned in 30 minutes.

She is breastfeeding me.

Again, another young man entered my room.

My mother left me.

She returned in 5 minutes.

She is breastfeeding me.

Again, another teenager entered my room.

My mother left me.

She returned in 5 minutes.

She is breastfeeding me.

Again and again and again

She leaves me 50 times a day.

She is tired, very tired.

She is leaving me and coming to me the whole day and night.

I am growing by watching many men every day.

I started speaking little by little.

I am observing that many men are entering my room.

I started asking my mother

Who are they?

She identified them as cassowaries, Casuarius, ostriches, and emus.

I asked her who they were.

She said they were the most dangerous birds.

Our visitors are more dangerous to humans than Casuarius, ostriches, and emus.

She informed me that they were Casuarius, ostriches, and emus from our village.

They are our neighbors, Casuarius, ostriches, and emus.

They are our town's Casuarius, ostriches, and emus.

They are our city's Casuarius, ostriches, and emus.

They are our lords.

They are our feudal lords.

They are our pundits.

They are our "Reddies."

They are our Raos.

They are our choudhuries.

They are our Naidus.

They are our Goudas.

They are our Guptas.

They are our Rajus.

They are our charis.

They are our Mangalis.

They are our Chakalies.

They are our Hindu lords.

They are all our Casuarius, ostriches, and emus.

I did not understand what my mother was telling me.

I reached 6 years old.

I want to attend school.

I asked my mother.

She told me we were not allowed to go to school.

I asked her why?

She told me we were/are Joginis.

I asked her what Jogini was.

She told me, "Jogini means we marry Hindu gods."

Why should we marry stones?

She told me we are forced to marry Hindu deities.

I asked her why and who was forcing us?

She told me we were Madigas.

I asked her what Madiga was.

She told me Madiga means "untouchable."

We are untouchables to Hindus.

I asked her if we were untouchables to Hindus.

Then why are they coming to our home?

She told me we were untouchable to marry but touchable to their desires.

I told her I could not understand.

She told me you are very small now.

But you will understand soon.

She told me we were forced to marry Hindu gods by our Brahmin preachers.

And we are forced to sleep with the entire village.

I asked her why we should sleep in the village.

She smiled and replied, "You are small now, but you will understand.

Days, months, and years are passing.

My mother is becoming sicker day by day.

Our visitors are not allowed to meet any doctor.

They are not allowing my mother

They are not leaving my mother.

They are eating my mother's bones.

She is becoming skeletal.

I remember my mother calling our visitors cassowaries.

My mother is hiding me.

Finally, she died.

My neighbors shouted, "Jogini died, our Jogini died with AIDS."

The next day,

The Pundit arrived in my room with his Reddy, Rao, Choudhury, Naidu, Gouda, Gupta

Brahmin asked me to come with them.

I went with them.

My fellow Madigas are looking at me pathetically.

I saw vulnerability in their eyes.

I saw helplessness in their eyes.

My Casuarius, ostriches, and emus took me away with their feet.

They took me to see a Hindu god.

My pundit tied me a knot in front of the Hindu gods.

He told me I was married now.

God is my husband.

I do not understand his words.

I asked him what that was.

He laughed.

His Casuarius, ostriches, and emuses are laughing.

My Casuarius told his fellow ostriches and emus to come tomorrow.

He took me to my room.

He raped me.

I was 6 years old when my Pundit Casuarius, raped me.

He left me.

The next day, my ostriches and emus came to visit me.

They are visiting me like my mother.

There is no rest.

I am hungry.

They are not giving me food.

They are not giving me water.

They are coming with empty hands.

They are taking me with their feet and throwing me after their bodies cool.

Just like my mother, I am bearing their unbearable suffering.

I am helpless, like any Jogini, like any Madiga, like any untouchable.

Just like my mother, I have to beg for food.

I've been hurt.

I'm getting wound up.

I am becoming sicker day by day.

I am becoming a skeleton day by day.

My eyes are going inside.

My cheeks are destroying my body.

My body is not cooperating with me.

I vomit if I eat anything.

I'm developing a fever.

I am getting a headache.

My Casuarius, ostriches, and emus visit me 24 hours a day.

Just like my mother,

I am losing my life.

I am dying slowly.

I am dying like my mother.

I died with AIDS.

This is my ontological wound.

Is there any cure for this?

The world has gone silent.

Silent is not an option.

Can I get a cure?"… Dr. Suryaraju Mattimalla, Author of "Why I Am Not Indian: The Untouchable Rejecting India's Citizenship" (https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Suryaraju-Mattimalla-ebook/dp/B09MDXFTY2/ref=sr_1_2?qid=1637756966&qsid=261-0591308-5553230&refinements=p_27%3ASuryaraju+Mattimalla&s=digital-text&sr=1-2&sres=B09MDZM1Q2%2CB09MDXFTY2&text=Suryaraju+Mattimalla)

Author of  “Dalit/Untouchable Anthology: Untouchable Lived Experiences” (https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Suryaraju-Mattimalla/dp/B09M5B7XVS/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Dalit%2FUntouchable+Anthology&qid=1638451224&sr=8-1)

Author of “An Intellectual History of Anti-Caste Philosophers in India: A Study on Babasaheb Dr.B.R.Ambedkar” (https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Suryaraju-Mattimalla/dp/B09M785T3S/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=An+intelectual+history+of+anti-caste+philosophers+in+indien%3A+A+study+on+Babasaheb+Dr.B.R.Ambedkar&qid=1638746824&sr=8-1)

Published poems by Dr.Suryaraju Mattimalla at My poetic side

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