When I was in my mother’s womb,
I was killed
by my maternal parents.
I was killed
by my maternal aunty.
I didn’t even
know why they killed me.
I asked Jesus
Christ in Heaven.
He told me
your father was an untouchable Christian.
But your
mother is a Hindu. -Kapu
So that your
maternal parents and aunty killed you.
I started
observing my untouchable father from heaven.
He has been
crying and crying for his helplessness.
He has been
feeling guilty about his helplessness.
I have
witnessed tens of thousands of killings of children.
Born to
untouchables and Hindus,
Jesus told me
that in India, they kill untouchables in the name of honour.
I understand
it is an honour killing.
I am a victim
of honour killing.
My Hindu
mother loves me so much.
But her
parents and her younger sister abused her physically
Without giving
her food for weakness,
Without giving
her medicine for her pits,
My mother is a
pit patient.
I observed my
untouchable father.
His heart is
broken and bleeding even after my death.
I was killed
in 2011.
My father
never slept.
He never
stopped thinking of me.
He is
bleeding.
He is
traumatized.
He is
ontologically wounded.
He lost his
unborn baby.
He is dying
every moment.
He never
forgot me.
There is no
single day that passes without thinking of me.
He loves me so
much.
He hated
himself for his helplessness.
He is guilty
of his inability to save me from my Hindu grandparents.
He curses
Hindus every day.
I know my
mother will never forget me.
I am her first
child.
Like I am my
father's first child,
My parents
were revolutionaries.
But they are
untouchables and Hindus.
Caste killed
me.
Untouchability
killed me.
I want to see
the world.
Like anyone
I have dreams.
I want to
become a great scholar
Writer
Critic
Poet,
Thinker
Reader
Tailor
Activist
Like my
untouchable father,
But my dreams
were killed by my Hindu grandparents and aunty.
They killed
me.
They cut my
body into pieces.
A Hindu doctor
involved in my murder
The lawyer
involved in my honour killing
They did not
allow me to see the world.
My father does
not know when they murdered me.
My mother
never informed him.
He does not
even know when the honour killing took place.
My mother was
at a distance of 2000 km from my father.
She never
compromised to kill me.
But my Hindu
grandparents and their younger daughter did
Killed me
We want to
live.
We want life.
We want to
survive.
I am not lucky
enough to survive an honour killing.
My father and
mother love me so much.
My Hindu
mother has forgotten me.
But my
untouchable father loves me so much.
I am his idea.
I am his love.
I am his
angel.
My father
apologized to me for my death.
What can my
untouchable father do when he is untouchable?
Don’t feel
guilty, Dad.
Take care of
my brother now.
I am speaking
from Heaven.
Dr. Suryaraju Mattimalla B.A.,M.A.,M.Phil.,Ph.D(History)
Blog: DALIT ACADEMIC MAFIA,
Blog: TIGRAY GENOCIDE IN ETHIOPIA (dejazamtchnegussebezabih.blogspot.com),
Twitter: Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla (@DrMattimalla) / Twitter,
Facebook: Surya Raju Mattimalla | Facebook
Author of unpublished autobiography:
"Why I Am Not Indian: The Untouchable Rejecting India's Citizenship"
E-mail:suryarajumattimalla1977@gmail.com
Published poems by Dr.Suryaraju Mattimalla at My poetic side
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